Mezzanote
by behindmyeyelids
Summary: Beginning with Edward in Brazil. What would happen if he had changed his mind? How long would it have taken before he went back? An alternative to New Moon from Edward's point of view
1. Decisions Derailed

Chapter 1- Decisions Derailed

Sunlight poured in through small cracks in the ratchety roof above me. It created sparkling stripes across my bare chest. How appropriate it was that only a small portion of my skin glittered from the light, for only part of me remained now. In the kitchen of the restaurant below me I heard scrambles and yelps as a grease fire erupted. The thought of the fire reminded me why I was here. I was supposed to be tracking, tracking Victoria. The fiery, vindictive red-headed vampire who was repulsive enough to have loved a brute like James. I could not bring myself to leave the rodent-infested heap of an apartment I had been renting for the past few weeks, though. I had lost the will to hunt, to fight. I rolled to the side and closed my eyes, trying to block out all sensation, but as always she appeared. Her image burned into my mind. Her long dark brown hair that fell in tousled waves. Her beautiful warm brown eyes that betrayed her secrecy, the only two windows I had to her otherwise closed off mind. Her scent, the scent that tortured me, the scent that I longed to smell again despite the painful, instinctual, burning it would undoubtedly produce.

How could I have left her? How had I been able to gaze into those eyes and tell her that I no longer wanted her? Tell her I would always love her in a way? I loved Bella in every way that I possibly could. I would never stop, I could never stop. She was as much a part of me now as the venom that ran through my once pulsing veins. It had been months since I'd heard her soft, regular pulse. It had been months since I had pressed my mouth to hers despite the inherent dangers and heard that pulse erratically sputter as I, as she so plainly put it, dazzled her. Perhaps I could run back to Forks tonight. Perhaps I could sneak through her window as I had done so many nights before and watch her sleep. The thought was so tempting. To watch her toss in her restless sleep, mumbling her most private thoughts as she tousled the quilt on her bed. I could check and see if she had found the mementos of me that I had hidden beneath her floorboards. I could see if she still thought of me, see if she had moved on like I had planned for her to.

But what if she had moved on? What if I returned only to find her bed empty, Charlie pacing as he awaited her return from a date with some awful, vile human boy who was in no way deserving of Bella's time, thoughts, attention, affection? What if I returned to find someone else holding her, sleeping by her side, having snuck through the window as I had? What if I returned to find her with that revolting Mike Newton? His tousled blonde hair which he so pathetically tried to style like mind laying on the pillow beside hers. His weak arm, which I could so easily break, wrapped around her as he slept. What I would not give to breathe and sleep, and hold Bella without fear of breaking her.

I could not return. I could not be angered by such thoughts. I wanted her to move on and I promised her that I would stay away, that she would never see me again.

But what if she hadn't moved on? What if she was still the fragile, broken creature that I had left in the woods? What if she was still haunted with the constant thoughts and memories of our time together like I was? What if I snuck into her window and she woke, as she had that one night, and saw me waiting there? What if she saw me and forgave me and gladly took me back into her warm arms?

No. I loved her too much to put her in danger. Surely, she was better now. Surely she had begun to forget the times we had, the forbidden love that we had shared. How I envied the ease with which human memories slipped away?

I held my Blackberry in my hands. My inbox was filled once again with emails, worried, frantic, from Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, Alice, and even Jasper. Rosalie of course had not bothered to contact me. I was sure her ego was more bruised than ever now that not only had I fallen in love with a human whom by everyone else's standards was plain compared to Rosalie but I had thrown myself into this self inflicted exile now that I could not be with her. I erased the emails without reading them. I cleared the missed calls. I opened my contact list. The first name that appeared was the only person I was truly considering contacting, and only because I desperately wanted to use her gift of foresight. I had made Alice promise that she would not look into Bella's future, that she would not monitor Bella the way I had relied on her to last year as James hunted her. But Alice couldn't always help her visions, perhaps she had seen something? Some glimpse of my dear Bella. No. I could not call. Tempting as it was, I could not deal with my family's overwhelming concern, nor could I withstand the pain of knowing what Bella's bright future held in store.

How could I go on like this for several more decades? Hiding out, waiting for news of Bella's death? Waiting for the end of my reason for living and the beginning of the epic battle that I would partake in to follow her in death? Alice said that there was no way Bella would be better off without me. Alice was so rarely wrong, perhaps I should listen. Perhaps I should return to Forks. No. No. I was stronger than that. I would give Bella the chance to live a normal human life. Surely, she was ok. Surely, she was not a pathetic, wallowing creature wasting away in darkness as I was. Surely.

As I cracked my onyx eyes open, I traced my finger along the dirt that covered the wooden floorboards. Unconsciously, I drew the lines of her lovely face. I stared at the finished product in the dim light of the attic apartment. I could not resist this face. Not any longer. I jumped through the window, landing with ease in the alleyway below me and stole away, running and weaving my way through the streets of this small Brazilian town, so quickly that no human eyes could detect my fleeting presence.

I ran with purpose and determination but my strength began to diminish. I had been starving myself. I would need to eat if I were to complete this journey. I would need to eat to keep Bella safe from my venomous fangs and my undeniable thirst. I waited until nightfall and hunted until I was fully satiated. When I crossed into the United States, I checked into a hotel in a small town in Texas. I took the opportunity to shower and purchase a change of clothes. I would need to appear presentable when I arrived in Forks. I would need to look like the Edward that my Bella had known and loved if I had any prayer of getting my Bella back. I traveled the next evening to the nearest Volvo dealership. Careful to wait until it was dark enough for my skin not to give away my deadly secret. I was lucky enough to find a C30 nearly identical to the mine on the lot. I would need some sort of human transport to explain my presence in Forks. I would go get my car from Carlisle's house in New Hampshire but I could not bear to face Esme. She was so worried and would be so angered with me for putting her and myself through the past few tortuous months only to return to Bella and put Bella in the same danger I had put her in before. Perhaps this was a sign. Perhaps this was wrong. Perhaps I should drive and speak with Carlisle before I did this. Yes, I would drive. I would think. I would seek Carlisle's advice before I rendered the past few months of suffering and excruciating pain completely void of any purpose.


	2. Hopeful Horizons

The open road spanned before me, the sun beginning to rise on the horizon. It was like a warm glimmer of hope, lighting up the black sky. As I reached to adjust the air conditioning controls to combat the heat radiating from the now rising sun, I paused. I remembered months ago. The tender moment when my ice cold hand had brushed Bella's sweet, warm, soft fingers as we both reached to adjust the temperature. I remembered how she had looked at me with awe and sheer curiosity rather than with disgust and revulsion. How could I have left her? Every memory ended with my pondering of that question. And every time I asked myself that redundant question, I was filled with a pang of guilt. How could I have stayed with her? Taken away so many human opportunities from the most divine creature I had ever had the pleasure of knowing. But her face, in the woods. Such a divine creature should not be subjected to such pain. If she wanted me back, she would have me. I just had to find out that answer without actually interacting with her.

My course of action was set and I was mildly concerned that Alice would be waiting for me at some point along the road. I had approximately 300 miles left until I reached Jacksonville. Finding Bella's mother's address has been an easy feat. Far too easy. I shuddered to think at how simple it would be for Victoria to locate either one of Bella's parents' homes when she returned to the United States. The time driving passed quickly, not painlessly, but quickly. I reflected on all of Bella the entire time, replaying every moment we had shared in my head, analyzing it. When I reached the address I had found online, I was not at all surprised at what I found. From the way that Bella had described her mother, the house certainly was fitting. Its pale yellow stucco finishing looked perfectly normal but each window in the house displayed a different brightly colored curtain, quite eclectic but bright and cheerful. In the front yard, there was a flower bed, the flowers dead, no doubt from Renee forgetting to water them. On the porch, there was a small cactus, a tribute to Phoneix no doubt. Windchimes covered the railings of the front porch. I got back on the highway and drove until the sun began to set, freeing me from the confines of my tinted windows. I returned to a hotel I had passed near Renee's house and checked in. I would need somewhere to leave my car. I then stole away in the eerie twilight to the little house with character, the little house that would give me the answers I needed to know.

The driveway was void of any cars and as I listened, I quickly gleaned that neither Renee nor Phil were home. I detected know heartbeats and no roaming minds. I lithely entered the home through a window on the back of the house. The window I entered belonged to a tiny bedroom, which was undoubtedly meant to be Bella's bedroom. It smelled like her, although, I was almost positive she had not been here. The closet was filled with clothes, shorts, tanktops, even a few dresses, summer clothes that Bella would never have the opportunity to don in Forks. I pulled a thin, blue blouse off of its hanger and held it to my face. Allowing the scent to rapture through my body. Its captivating power brought me to my knees as I lost myself in a thousand memories, as I imagined the delicate blue cotton of the shirt clinging to her slight frame, accentuating her lovely skin. She had worn a similar blouse to dinner, that night in Port Angeles. She had been so lovely.

I was almost startled by the intrusion of a woman's thoughts. I immediately recognized her as Renee. She had just noticed that the flowers were dead and remembered that she was supposed to water them everyday. She comforted herself by deciding that gardening just wasn't for her. Phil's mind became clear to me also, oscillating between gloating over his excellent run in the batting cages today and what he should get Renee for Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day? It was only February? I waited quietly in Bella's closet waiting for Renee's thoughts to drift, as they surely would, to my beloved. As Renee sat down to the computer to look for available substitute jobs, something caught her attention, an email was waiting for her, an email from Bella. As Renee opened the email, I could feel the shock and awe reverberating from her thoughts, as I listened to her mind, hanging on to every word.

Hey Mom,

The new book club sounds wonderful. I'm sure you are excited to have something to replaced meditation classes. I'm sorry they didn't work out for you. Hopefully you can stick to book club for more than a week ;)

_Bella made a joke?_

Second grade sounds awful! It's such a shame that there aren't more substitute jobs available for kindergarten. Maybe you'll be able to find a permanent position for Kindergarten since Phil is liking Jacksonville so much! I hope you guys have a wonderful time on your second Honeymoon. Disney World sounds like so much fun.

_It seems like she actually read my last email…_

This weekend was pretty fun.

_Fun?_

I went to go see a movie in Port Angeles with Jessica.

_She left the house?! _

Then I spent most of the weekend up at La Push with Jake. It had been awhile since I'd seen him. We spent most of our time in his garage. He's building a VW Rabbit! Can you believe it? I was amazed watching him take all of these seeming disconnected pieces of metal and putting them together to rebuild the car. It's quite fascinating. Of course, I have no idea what he's talking about or what he's actually doing. But it was interesting nevertheless. Billy had people over tonight for spaghetti, made with his secret family recipe of Ragu lol. Anyways, I'm off to finish the homework left over from this weekend. I hope you have a great Monday, Mom! I love you so much! I miss you!

Love,

Bella

_My baby finally seems halfway alive again. Not fully herself. But coherent. Thank God._

I choked back what would have been tears from the closet. She had missed me. She had been miserable. But Renee seemed hopeful that she was moving on. Was I too late? Now that she was picking the pieces back up, would she want to risk taking me back? Giving me another chance to destroy her life? Renee's thoughts began to wander as she tried to comprehend Bella's fascination with Jake's mechanic work. Was it mere curiosity or were there deeper feelings behind her appreciation? That was more than I could handle.

I escaped out the window into the black night, retrieved my car, and checked out of the hotel I was wishing I had never checked into. As I drove into the black night, the guilt, the pain, the overwhelming sense of loss and emptiness overwhelmed me. I pulled over on the side of I-95, curled into a ball, and let the misery take over once again.


	3. Bella Bound

As I suffered through painfully real memories, my body shook. There had only been one point in my life where I had felt enough emotional pain to cause me to go into a unconscious-like state where I writhed and screamed. I will never forget that small girl's gleeful face as I twisted and convulsed on the floor before her, giggling as the visions she produced taunted me. Jane, part of the Volturi's guard. Such a simple, sweet-sounding name, such an innocent face, but those clear, wide eyes lay afore a sick, sadistic mind. As I began to recover from my self-inflicted tortuous cascade of memories, I suddenly became aware of another mind and the presence of another being in the car. Alice.

_Conscious. Just when I had predicted. _

"Hello, Edward," she trilled in her usual melodic voice, as though nothing was wrong, as though I hadn't been ignoring her and my entire family for months, as though I hadn't forced her to leave her best friend without so much as a good bye. It irritated me greatly.

"Alice," I growled back at her.

_So, how was Florida?_

"Like you don't already know."

_Well, it was a stupid idea. I could have told you that. _

"I'm not interested in what you could have told me. I'm interested in the thoughts that you keep deliberately avoiding."

_You told me not to be looking for her future._

"Well, judging from your unwillingness to share certain thoughts, I'm guessing you've ignored that request."

_You know perfectly well I can't stop some visions from appearing. I wish I could. Do you think I enjoy watching my best friend suffer and put her life in danger on a daily basis?_

And with that, she let her guard down. She stopped translating The Iliad from Latin to Old Gaelic. Visions of Bella filled my head. Bella alone curled in a ball in the woods, Bella on the floor with her arms wrapped around her as if she was trying to physically pull herself together, Bella on a motorcycle, Bella on the side of the road with the motorcycle on top of her, Bella in a movie theatre with Mike Newton on one side and Jacob Black on the other side.

"Are you done torturing me?" I breathed, in far too much pain to scream at her as I wished to.

_You wanted to see. I let you see. I was right, you shouldn't have left her. You need to go back. Everyone agrees. They want you to do what's best for you. I still see her as becoming one of us. That vision still has not changed, Edward. I'm beginning to worry, though. For the past day or two, visions of her future have been sporadically disappearing. I'm not sure what it means but I'm guessing it's not a good thing. _

"Perhaps, its because she's moving on and her mind is no longer clear to you," I growled, self loathing once again filling me.

_I don't think that's what it is._

"Does Carlisle know you're here?"

_No, Jasper's the only one who knows where I've gone. I've instructed him not to tell the others. If Esme thought there was a chance you would come back, and then you did not, it would deeply hurt her. She is quite worried about you Edward. _

I saw Alice's crystal clear memories of poor Esme. Ugh, I hated to hurt my mother so terribly. I had left to make things better. I had left to keep my Bella out of danger and give her a chance to live the life that she was meant to lead. Why was this causing more pain and suffering than it was good? And what did Bella think she was doing? Riding motorcycles? She had promised not to do anything so utterly stupid and reckless. She had promised me. Then again, I had promised I would leave her alone. I knew I would have to go back and at east watch her from afar at some point. I suppose we were both being unfaithful to our promises. I glanced at Alice.

_I haven't told Carlisle about the lapses in my foresight yet. _

"I need to speak with Carlisle." I said.

Alice nodded silently and I turned the key to the ignition.

Several hours later, we were at Esme's house. Her latest project. I was awed by the work she had done. This house was truly a masterpiece, only she could have made a home so beautiful but still kept it true to its historical period. Her warm golden eyes were filled with joy and relief and concern when she saw me. She pulled me into a tight embrace and lovingly growled in my ear. "You must never do that to me again Edward."

"Sorry, Mom, I whispered." I had forgotten how it felt to feel loved, cared for. It made me ache for Bella that much more. Carlisle strode into the room and leaned against the door frame.

_Welcome home, son. We've missed you._

"Carlisle, Alice and I need to speak with you."

Carlisle had no insight into the situation. But he agreed with Alice, I would have to go back to Forks and atleast check on Bella.

"You don't think it's wrong Carlisle? I promised her I'd stay away. Her mother seems to think she's making progress, she's healing."

_Her mother doesn't know about the risky behavior. Bella seems to be suicidal. I told you that a human could not handle that magnitude of pain, Edward. Go back, atleast observe her. If you truly believe that she is healing emotionally, then leave without making her aware of your presence. But if she is not, you cannot allow her to kill herself. Think of Charlie. I know you believe that you put her in more danger but atleast you can save her from that danger. I know you believe that if you change her, you will be taking away the life she was supposed to have and taking her soul but if she kills herself, she will never live that life and she her soul will be damned to hell, just as you believe yours is._

I strode out of the room. How badly I wanted to break something. Here I was furious with Bella for her idiotic behavior. Had I stopped to think that my idiotic decision was what elicited the behavior in the first place? How could Carlisle have seen and understood the redundancy of my decision when I had not? I felt so human, my mind so clouded by my inherent need to give Bella what I though she needed, to protect her from what I am. My mind so clouded by my overwhelming love for that tiny fragile human being. Alice was standing behind me.

_Let me go with you, Edward. I can help. _

And with that she flitted up the stairs, returning with two suitcases. She loaded them into the trunk of the Volvo, where I waited, and hopped into the front seat. I glanced over at her and saw her beaming face.

_She's going to forgive you, Edward._

I rolled my eyes and we began the long journey to Forks. It would be so much faster to run, but we had to keep up human appearances. As we entered the state of Washington, Alice suddenly gasped.

_The meadow Edward. Laurent. He's going to kill her. She's alone._

I flew out of the driver's seat, and Alice took over the wheel. I ran with a panicked urgency as I had almost a year ago. With a desperate fury to save my love, my reason for being. I could hear Alice miles behind me, she had abandoned the car at the rest stop.

_Her future is lost again Edward._

I didn't care. I didn't stop. If he had killed her, I would need to find a place for her to eternally rest. I would need to kiss her cold white cheek that would never blush again before she was laid in the ground. And I would need to destroy Laurent, before I made my way to Italy to destroy myself. A world without Bella was not a world I would live in. I could hear Alice's pained cries behind me, begging me to change my mind.


	4. Moonlit Musings

The violet flowers swayed softly in the breeze, the long shards of grass whipping into my legs like violent waves, the memories of our time here swelled inside of me like a turbulent, tormenting tide. The meadow was empty, void of any living or non-living creatures. A deer stirred in the forest, a short distance away. What had happened hear in the forest, I could smell 2 distinct trails of Bella's scent. I could smell Laurent's trail into the meadow. However, he ran from the meadow in the opposite direction from Bella. And then the most putrid scent I have ever smelled overwhelmed my senses, werewolves. Bella must be alive. The dogs must have taken care of Laurent. There were two trails from Bella, I followed the freshest trail of her scent and after a few moments I could hear her, running through the forest. I could hear her heartbeat. Her sweet scent sang to me through the trees. A painful, yet blissful feeling resonated through my bones as I deeply inhaled. I was close to my love again. I was where I belonged.

_I smell the dogs too Edward. They took care of Laurent. I can smell the fire and the burnt flesh, Edward. Have you found her? I still can't see her. Don't startle her, Edward. Remember what Carlisle said, make sure my visions were correct before you make your presence known._

I slowed down my pace as she came into my field of vision. Carefully following her, vigilant for the return of any other creatures who aimed to harm my Bella. If Laurent was here, did that mean Victoria had returned also? The thought of it made me shudder. I watched from the periphery of the trees as Bella frantically got into her truck. I followed the path of the road from the forest but as she headed toward La Push, I realized I would have to make a decision. Stop at the boundary or break the treaty. I suppose if the werewolves were protecting La Push, she would be safe. As long as she didn't get near any of the wolves. I stopped short at the boundary dictated by the treaty made so many years ago with her friend Jacob's grandfather. I would wait.

Alice arrived at my side shortly. _Why was Laurent here? I thought he was with Tanya up North._

"I'm not sure, but I never found Victoria. I'm concerned that Laurent was with her. I lost her trail somewhere in Brazil. I'm concerned. I'm not leaving Forks until I figure out why he was here and why he attacked, though. I left so Bella would be safe. Not so some disgusting leech would come after her when she had no protection. We need to call Carlisle and tell him what has happened. We also need to check around Forks for any trails Victoria might have left."

_I'm on it. I'll check our side of the woods and around town for any trails while I go get the car. I want to check on Charlie, too. If Bella is in danger, then so is Charlie. I'll call Carlisle while I'm at it._

"Be sure no one in town sees you or the car Alice. As you said, she can't know yet." I said.

_Call me if anything happens. I still can't see her, Edward. I'm beginning to wonder if it's because of the wolves._

"I'll let you know, Alice." I promised. And she flounced off into the trees.

Poor Alice. This must be torture for her, not being able to see. She relied on her foresight so much to keep her loved ones safe. I waited for hours, it seemed. And then I heard the low rumble of Bella's ancient truck coming around the corner. I was filled with relief and couldn't help but laugh as I saw the monstrosity pass by. If I did officially come back, if she was willing to take me back, I was buying her a new car. That was certain.

As I ran along side of her, I could see that she was visibly upset. As she should be, her brown eyes were tormented and it was painful to look at them. Was it just because of today's events? Or was she permanently broken? I watched her enter her house from the forest and listened.

"Bella? Honey?" Charlie said frantically as she trudged in the door, visibly distraught. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine, Dad." She assured him as she locked the door.

"Where were you? I've been worried." Charlie continued.

"Sorry. I went hiking." Bella replied.

"Hiking? By yourself? In the woods? After I asked you not to?" Charlie demanded.

"I'm sorry, Dad. It won't happen again. I'm tired. I'm going to bed. Did you find the leftovers in the refrigerator? I taped the instructions on them." Bella asked.

Always the caregiver, even when it was clear she was the one who need to be taken care of.

"Yeah, Bella. Thanks. Good night." Charlie mumbled sheepishly.

"Gnight, Charlie." Bella's voice echoed as she walked up the stairs.

How wonderful it was to hear her voice again but it sounded so strained, so painful.

_What happened to her today? She had been making progress it seemed like. One step forward, two steps back I guess. Atleast she's not quite as bad as she was before. She's able to keep up a conversation somewhat._

It had been worse then this? I had made Bella more miserable than she was now? This had been a mistake. A terrible mistake. I climbed into the tree adjacent to Bella's window to watch her. There was very little moon light tonight. A darkened night to equal her darkened existence. She wouldn't see me hidden in the branches.

She climbed into bed and curled into a ball, her arms wrapped around her and her face took on an expression of sheer torture. Her position reminded me of how I had spent the past few months in Brazil. Atleast I had been able to hide away from the world. Poor Bella had to put on a strong face for Charlie everyday. It took every iota of strength I had not to leap through her window and wrap my cold arms around her and kiss away the tears that had begun to fall down her rosy cheeks.

_Edward. I'll be waiting outside. Don't worry. Charlie won't wake up. Everything has become clear again. I don't know what happened._

Alice was waiting at the edge of the forest in Bella's backyard. Just off the trail I had led her down, the trail where I began this whole debacle.

"Do you believe I'm doing the right thing Alice? I'm beginning not to trust my own judgement anymore." I whispered into the black night.

_Yes. You know how I've felt about this since September. You never should have left her in the first place._

If Bella becoming a vampire was an inescapable fate, if being away from me endangered her even further, if I was causing her this much pain, if I was causing my family this much pain, and Charlie this much pain watching her, if Carlisle agreed, this was the right choice. I flew from the tree, onto the house, and opened her window. The frame squeaked. It hadn't been opened for months. And there she slept. Tossing, turning, fraught with peril as her mind tortured her with another nightmare.

I wrapped her worn quilt around her and held her in my arms. Her beautiful scent filled the air, the warmth of her skin radiated all over my body, and I listened to the beautiful heartbeat that I had so dearly missed. My Bella. If I had been able to cry, I would have. I would never leave her again. I was quite certain of this. I pressed my face into her silken hair, inhaling the scent of her shampoo. The rush of emotions I felt echoed the rustling of the leaves in the trees outside as a storm brewed in the cloudy night skies. A moving, irresistible force that stirred up repressed emotions, feelings, memories, and hopes. I could swear my heart that had been silent for over 100 years started beating again at this moment. My lips pressed against her ear as I whispered,

"Bella, my love, the nightmare ends tonight…"


	5. A Perfect Plan

Bella did not stir as I whispered the words into her ear. Her face was peaceful now, though. Serene. Her pulse had steadied into the rhythm I so lovingly remembered. If I were capable of sleep, the beating of her heart would be my lullaby. I held her as the minutes crept by, rocking back in forth in the rocking chair, careful not to hold her too tightly or move too suddenly. I had expected to have trouble adjusting back to the constant delicacy, precision, and control being around her required but I had no trouble at all. In fact, I felt more at ease with her in my arms than I ever had before. This would work. It would have to.

"Edward?" Bella mumbled into my chest.

"I'm right here, love," I whispered to her. Her pulse quickened but she did not wake up.

"I can't find it," she gasped.

"Find what?" I prompted the sleeping angel in my arms.

"There's nothing there. There's nothing left."

Her heart was racing. Her body tense. Her small fists clenched, her knuckles whiter than my skin. Although I had not fed in several days, I had a calming sense of control. I knew that even if she clenched so hard her fingernails drew blood, I would be able to control myself. Despite the innate tendencies of my kind, my body shuddered away from any behavior that might lead to a life without my Bella. It hurt to see her in obvious pain and mental anguish like this though. What could she be seeing in these nightmares?

What I wouldn't give to be able to see into her mind…

Should I wake her up? Would it frighten her even more?

Suddenly, she relaxed. And she mumbled a name into my chest with a familiarity, a tenor of lovingness, admiration, adoration. The pain I felt would equate to being crushed by a force that could crumble my marble skin into the smallest of fragments. I gasped for air.

"Jacob."

But Alice said she would take me back. Jacob was an old family friend. Atleast he had been when I left. I could not wrap my mind around this. Why couldn't I hear her thoughts? Why? Perhaps getting Bella back would require more caution, more planning, more meticulousness than Alice had led me to believe. If there was any competition, I was prepared to fight.

I held her fragile body in my arms until I heard Alice in the forest outside.

_Charlie will wake up in 5 minutes. Bella will wake up in 10._

Very carefully, I laid her back on her bed. Her small arms clung to my neck so forcefully that I could have sworn she was conscious. I gently removed them and covered her with her quilt, smoothing her ruffled hair against the pillow. I kissed her porcelain cheek, and it blushed the most beautiful scarlet color. How I had missed it, the blood pooling beneath her near translucent skin, creating a rosy glow and heightening the intensity of her beautiful scent. I paused for a moment to admire her radiant beauty and escaped through the window before either Bella or Charlie awoke.

From the yard, I listened to Charlie's thoughts and the sounds of the Swan household on this dismally rainy Monday morning. The clouds were still brewing in the sky, promising to produce a fantastical thunderstorm later on. Alice appeared at my side.

_Are you going to tell me why she doesn't know you are back?_

"She didn't wake up, Alice."

_There's something you're not telling me. You could have woken her up. Why do you look so troubled? I told you, I see you and her together. She's going to take you back._

"I don't think it will be that easy, Alice. I was rash in my decision to tell her I'm back. I betrayed her trust in the most heinous way possible. I told her I didn't want her anymore. I took away her best friend without allowing you to say goodbye to her. I took away everything. I have a feeling Jacob is responsible for the minor improvement Charlie and Renee both seem to be sensing in her emotional state. I think I'm going to have to fight for her."

_I don't see how that could possibly be the case, Edward. I agree that you owe her quite an apology for your actions but I don't see you having to fight. However, on a separate note, Carlisle thought of something, Edward, when I spoke with him. I had not joined Carlisle's coven the last time you were in Forks. And I did not foresee the return of the werewolves to La Push. Carlisle thinks that perhaps I am unable to see the werewolves and that is why Bella's future disappeared today. He is also concerned that my occasional lapses in foresight into her future lately could mean that this is not Bella's first encounter with Laurent and James where the dogs saved her. _

"Did you find any trails?"

_I've found Victoria's scent laced all through the woods. However, I haven't found a fresh trail yet. She seems to have been trying to get a grasp for the boundaries set forth by the treaty. It will be interesting to see how she reacts when she finds out we are back. Carlisle also said that the rest of the family would like to return as soon as you give them the go ahead. This is not a fight Carlisle wants us to have alone._

"Not yet. We can't have everyone back. It will be too obvious. I need more time."

_If Victoria seems to be getting too close, I'll call Carlisle myself, Edward. _

"Fine," I growled at Alice. I almost resented involving her in this at this point. Although, her gift at predicting Charlie and Bella's wakefulness was proving to be particularly useful. Not to mention, it felt oddly comforting to have my best friend nearby.

_Do you need to hunt?_

"I probably should. Stay here and guard her. We have about 45 minutes until Bella should be leaving for school. I'll be back before then."

_Be careful._

And with that I sprinted into the trees. My mind did not focus on catching the deer that pathetically tried to outrun me, but rather on forming some sort of plan. Some sort of mechanism that would allow me to win back her affection, win back her trust. With the inherent dangers of Victoria and werewolves, I would need to make my presence known rather quickly so that my family could return. However, I needed some sort of grand gesture, just to be sure she accepted me back into her warm, loving embrace.

_Just in time. She's getting in her truck now._

I followed Bella's route to school from the forest the lined every major roadway in Forks and made my way to settle in the trees behind the school I had once watched her from, before we even spoke. How I had hated those sunny days that kept me from Forks High School and the sole reason for my existence. I remembered watching her beautiful hair glinting hints of red in the sunlight. I chuckled as I remembered the way she cringed away from that revolting Mike Newton when he dared to touch her hair. I searched the chattering of the minds of my old classmates to find a good vantage point of Bella.

Jessica Stanley's voice rang loud and clear over the others. I had used her for quite some time to monitor Bella and I had become quite attuned to her in the process. She was not focused on Bella, however. It seemed that Lauren Mallory was her new object of obsession and control. It irked me quite greatly that Jessica seemed to have not stood by my Bella's side when she needed truly needed a friend. However, it was not a surprise.

I moved on to Angela, the only one of Bella's friends I actually liked. Angela's thoughts were currently focused on Ben Cheney. It seemed that they were still dating. I couldn't help but laugh as I remembered, setting up a ploy to manipulate Ben into finally working up the courage to ask Angela to the dance last year. It seemed Emmett and I had done the right thing, though. Her thoughts of him reflected a pure and true love that seemed to make her blissfully happy. Finally, her thoughts moved to my Bella.

_Oh, no. Bella still looks so unhappy. Its been over a week now. What could have happened at the movies that set her off so badly? What could have Mike done to her? I wish I hadn't been sick so I could have gone. Maybe I should ask her what happened. Maybe she'd tell me. Probably not. Although, she does actually respond to questions now._

I watched a painful memory in Angela's mind of Bella sitting in various classrooms and the familiar Forks lunchroom with an ashen, vacant look on her face, unresponsive and clearly tortured by the thoughts in her mind. I was glad when Angela's thoughts focused back to Ben. But, wait. Mike? Movies? What had he done to her? As awareness came over me, I had an almost uncontrollable urge to destroy Mike Newton. If he had laid one finger on my precious Bella, I would personally see to it that all ten of his fingers were ripped out. I searched through the students until I found his mind.

Luckily, Bella was in the same class as he was, so he was staring at the back of her head, thinking about her.

"Don't waste your time, mongrel" I breathed.

_I wonder if her little boyfriend and her had a fight. Maybe he just couldn't handle someone have longer hair than he does._

What? Mike's mind flashed back to a darkened movie theatre. A rather uncomfortable looking Bella sat beside him. He held his arm out on the arm rest waiting for her to place her hand atop of his. On the other side of Bella, sat Jacob, his hand also waiting for Bella's. I chuckled as Mike remembered Bella sitting perfectly still arms folded across her chest. He then remembered being ill the movie theatre bathroom, and hearing Jacob call him a "marshmallow from the hallway.

_Bella sure knows how to pick 'em._

I couldn't help but chuckle and Mike's surprise and anger at being rejected by Bella once again. And I felt quite satisfied that Bella had not held Jacob's hand either.

_What's so funny, Edward?_

Alice returned to my side.

"Nothing. Just had forgotten how pathetic Mike Newton is." I said amidst another chuckle, as Mike tried to approach an inattentive Bella after class.

_Perhaps you should stop laughing at the poor Newton boy and prepare for your grand gesture. I can watch Bella if you need to leave._

"Thanks, Alice." I grinned.

_You know,, Esme will kill you if you scratch the finish on the piano. _

I laughed again. Of course, Alice already knew my plans.

"Wouldn't want to incur the wrath of Esme. By the way, you can tell the others they may return tomorrow afternoon."

_Already did._

Alice smiled at me smugly.

_By the way, I couldn't have planned something more perfect myself._

I sprinted through the trees, smiling to myself. I could not ever remember being so happy and free. Bella and I would be reunited tonight. All the wrongs would be righted. Life would regain it's purpose, and love and contentment would once again fill both the hollow shells Bella and I had become over the past few months.


	6. Diamond Dreams

We waited silently outside Bella's house. Alice filled me in on everything I had missed with our family. She had uncovered more about her human identity. I felt horrible that I had not been there to help her research more about her past or to comfort her when she found out that her family announced her to be dead the day she entered the asylum. Some brother I had been.

_You won't wake her up. Both she and Charlie are fast enough asleep._

Both Alice and I made our way into the bedroom. Alice would act as sleeping Bella while I stole her away. She did not foresee Charlie waking up but neither one of us wanted to take that chance. Charlie had made his far from kind feelings toward me clear in his thoughts. I wrapped Bella in the cashmere blanket Alice had thought to bring, leaving Bella's quilt as a prop in case of a Charlie intrusion.

_Love you. Tell Bella I'm here and I too am so sorry._

I nodded in assurance as I slipped through the window and landed effortlessly and silently in the damp grass. My precious cargo was still sound asleep and warm in my arms. I ran through the forest with intensity and drive, with hope and exuberance. And as the pale moonlight broke through the trees, there it was. The meadow. The meadow she had almost lost her life in twice. The meadow where I had realized how deeply in love with her I was. Our meadow. It was different in the dark, but still beautiful. I was concerned about the reaction it would elicit in Bella after Sunday's events but I felt confident in my abilities to protect her and to convince her that she was safe here with me.

It had taken me all day to get things just right. There was a large ivory silk tent set up in the meadow, and the stars shone through the light wavy fabric through this uncharacteristically clear night. The soft breeze that was blowing ruffled the fabric on the sides. As we stepped inside the tent, I carried Bella over to the chaise lounge from my bedroom, hoping my scent and the memory of her first day at my house might comfort her. I then made my way over to my piano that I had placed in the center of the tent, and began my concert for her, a live rendition of Bella's lullaby. As I began to play, the music swelled, notes trilling, tinkling, melodically flowing up into the night sky.

And then I heard a rustle behind me. Bella had awoken and was staring at me with wide eyes and an open mouth. I could hear her heart continually stop and restart and I rushed to her side. The tears began to flow down her flushed cheeks and I scooped her up into my arms. She clung to me with a ferocious intensity, anger, resentment, betrayal, joy, love, desire, passion, all emanating from her at once.

"Bella" I choked out, overcome with so much emotion that I felt human.

"Edward" she breathed back.

She relaxed her hold on me and placed her gentle hands on the sides of my face.

"As far as dreams go, you are quite realistic." She noted.

"Bella, you aren't dreaming. This is real. I am real. I am here and I am beyond sorry for everything I have put you through. I was so wrong."

She continued to dazedly marvel at my stone face, the words not registering with her. I cradled her face in my hands.

"I will prove to you this is not a dream." I said with the utmost sincerity, my coal-black eyes piercing into her soft brown eyes, as I leaned in.

"No." she breathed in protest, although she did not move at all.

I paused. "No?" I asked, bewildered.

"I'll regret letting you do this when I wake up alone." She said as the premonition of pain echoed in her eyes.

"Bella, you are not alone, you are not asleep. I am here, I am yours, as I will be forever more." And I pulled her mouth to mine with a fervent intensity and disregard for control. Her hands ran through my bronze hair grabbing on as she kissed me back with insurmountable passion. My arm locked around her tiny waist and my hand held her long brown hair away from the beautiful cherubic lips that I was privileged enough to be able to kiss. She pulled away and steadied her eyes on mine.

"Oh, Edward." She breathed, "You are back."

"And I will never leave you again. Not unless you order me away."

More tears poured down her exquisite face as she shook her head and rasped "Never."

I pulled a letter from inside of the cushion and placed it into her hands.

"Read this, my love." I asked of her.

She gingerly pulled the parchment from the envelope that held it.

My Dearest Bella,

I have wronged you in the worst way possible. I have spent the past century in utter disgust with myself for what I am. I felt that I was a danger to you, that my world was not right for you. I made a decision that I should not have made on my own. I made a decision that you would be happier, healthier, safer, who you were supposed to be if I removed myself from your life. I never believed that the depth of your feelings for me spanned as deeply as mine for you. I truly believed you would be able to move on, to forget, as humans so easily do. But I forgot of the intensity of your mind, your mind which works like no other humans. And as I sat in the tree outside your window last night and looked into your beautiful brown eyes I saw just how much damage I had done. You were as broken and as empty as I was, going through the motions of a normal life to please Charlie.

When I looked into your eyes that afternoon in the woods, and assured you that I no longer wanted you, I died inside. It was the worst lie I could have ever told, and I never expected you to believe it the way you did. I thought it was better in a way that you did. I believed it would help you move on faster. I was so wrong, though.

I have been so adamantly set against you becoming a vampire, but even though I am staunchly set against it, Alice still sees you becoming one of us. She's seen it this whole time. My attempts to protect you have been such a horrid waste. You are a part of this world and a part of me permanently, our love has forged a bond that it seems cannot be broken. And when I am here, not hurting you, not hurting myself, atleast I can protect you from the dangers this bond has created.

I love you with every ounce of my being, Bella. I cannot live in a world without you. I tried. We both tried, and it could not possibly work. I beg of you to see why I made the decision I did and to forgive me for how incredibly stupid it was. I will never leave your side again, angel, I promise. Please grant me your forgiveness, as undeserving as I may be.

Love,

Edward

Her hands trembled as she read, and her beautiful tear drops fell like rain onto the parchment, creating blurred puddles atop of my calligraphy. As her gaze met mine, she said solemnly.

"Of course, I forgive you, Edward. But don't make me any promises you might not keep. You're here, and that's enough for now. But what happens when you once again decide to try your hand at the ultimate form of masochism in a sad attempt to protect me from being hurt? What happens the next time Jasper takes a swipe at me?"

"Bella, I will not leave you. You were in just as much danger without me, if not more. If becoming a part of my world is what you truly want, if it is the inevitable outcome of our love, then why? Why? Why would I ever leave your side again? It nearly killed me being away from you these past few months. And your magnetism for danger has given me the ultimate excuse to succumb to my selfish ways, and hold you in my arms every night for eternity."

Her face aghast, "You mean you're going to change me? You really are?"

"Not yet my love, but give me some time, give yourself some time, and our little impasse will come to pass…"

And with that her heavy eyelids gave in to the sleep they had been courageously fighting against, and she fell asleep in my arms with the most beautiful smile of utter content stretched across her lips.

My Bella was mine once more…as she slept peacefully, I removed one of my mother's most treasured pieces of jewelry from my pocket and clasped it around my most treasured Bella's wrist. The heart shaped diamond glinted as the moonlight caught it. I kissed her forehead softly, and watched the angel in my arms.


	7. Edwardian Escape

The hours passed far too quickly. And as my remarkably sensitive eyes began to detect more and more light in the blackened sky, I wrapped my angel tighter in her blanket and reluctantly moved from our silk-enclosed sanctuary in the meadow. I was aware of the overwhelming stench while I sat in the tent. As I stepped out of the tent, I became painfully aware of the thoughts of four enraged werewolves waiting a quarter of a mile away. The big, shaggy wolf was far angrier than the others and as I looked deeper into his mind I understood why. Like me he was hopelessly in love with the sleeping beauty that lay unconscious in my arms.

_Look at him he's probably freezing her to death wrapping her in his arms like that. How could she do that? Take him back. He broke her. He destroyed her. I put her back together. Oh, just the sight of them together. It's disgusting. What is he doing just standing there anyways? Does he think we'll break the treaty? Cross the line! Ha! Let the leech make the first move so Bella will know that I'm the good guy here. He's so creepy. What could she possibly see in him? He's as dead and cold as that heinous rock he's got anchored to her wrist. I cannot wait until he goes to change her. I cannot wait to rip the still heart from his chest in and burn his disgusting bones into ash._

"Good evening, gentlemen." I spoke softly into the night, interrupting Jacob's silent diatribe. "The skies are quite beautiful tonight, no? I won't be requiring your services. I have not harmed a hair on Bella's head, nor do I intend to."

_The leech has the nerve to speak to us?!?!?!? Lying piece of trash. Sorry excuse for a being. Doesn't intend to harm her, huh? What does he call changing her? _

"I have not changed her, nor will I for some time. Until then, I expect the peace to remain. We have an agreement." I said solemnly.

And with that I turned and sped into the forest with my lovely Bella. Changing her was inevitable, but this would obviously require careful planning. Not only did we have the wolves to worry about, but the goodbye to Charlie, Renee, and all her friends. So many ties were chaining her to the human world. We had to find a way to cleanly sever them in as painless a way as possible for every part involved. Although, it seemed that Jacob would prove to be quite a complication in this process. His feelings for Bella were much stronger than I had imagined. And I was completely in the dark on how she felt for him. Judging from her warm, graceful, and kind reception of my sentiments that I in no way deserved, I supposed that her feelings were platonic in nature. I could only hope.

I climbed through the window.

_Way to cut it close, Edward._

Alice was rather grumpy.

"It's not like you didn't know I would." I remarked gleefully. "You're just grumpy because you were cooped up in the house the whole time."

_Well aren't we just smug tonight?_

Alice escaped out the window and ran off to go hunting. Despite her snippy remarks, I could tell she was in remarkably good spirits. Jasper was returning today, and she would finally be reunited with her best friend, Bella. She was itching to go shopping in Portland with her favorite human Barbie doll. I chuckled to myself as I thought of how annoyed Bella was going to get at once again being subjected to playing dress-up with Alice on a regular basis.

"Edward?" Her soft whisper rang crystal clear in my ears.

"Yes, princess?" I murmured.

"Just making sure it wasn't a dream."

And she wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me. Every part of me felt alive. I felt overcome by urges I had suppressed for so long. And with a painful desire that I was performing this action for a different purpose, I threw her onto the bed. I narrowly escaped being detected by Charlie as I lunged for the closet.


End file.
